My Scars Will Not Justify Me – Rainbow Ramen

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My Scars Will Not Justify Me

January 16, 2020

One of my close friends from college went up to Dallas and we ended up catching up. Somehow a few hours turned into a few nights. I found out that Nishma's exboyfriend is dating his sister. It is so sad to see this because they were together for so long. It is so crazy how people just move on so fast with someone that have been in their life for so long. 

It made me think about Colin. Looking back, I wish I never open up to him because he had impacted the way I trust people now. A part of me just wants him to die because I want him to hurt. Most of all, I just want to not remember him. I just wish I never met him. 

Because of him, I have scars. I don't cry about him anymore, but it still hurts me. 

I feel disappointed in myself because I let someone that wasn't even my boyfriend scar my perspective in dating. 

I don't want this.

I don't want someone to taint my naive, spirit-free persona, but I am scared of even opening up to people. 

I can't even open up to my friends anymore. 

I want to go back to how it was before I met the person that changed me. 

How do I go back when I can't erase my memory?

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