A New Start.
January 10, 2017
I feel somewhat okay today. I feel less anxious. I think it is because I started running again. Running keeps me sane from my problems.
One of my tenants still has not paid rent yet. Every time she pays late (basically every month), I get anxiety. It is hard for me to be mean to The Stripper. I can’t help but to feel bad for her, but I need her to pay on time. I am tired of going crazy at the end of every month because she doesn’t pay on time. I am never leasing out a room to any of my friends. Lesson learned.
At least I have my dog to make me feel better. The best part about pets is that you can force them to hug and cuddle with you when you are down.
I was laying in bed thinking for a while and I think it is actually a good thing that Colin stops talking to me. At least now, I can finally have a chance to move on. I don’t think I could ever move on if he continues to talk to me. I tried moving on while having him as a friend, but somehow I always end up choosing him towards the end. I tried having sex with other men. I tried dating other men.
Nothing works. Towards the end of the day, the last person on my mind is him. I need him to walk away from me because I am not strong enough to walk away from him.
I hope he never talks to me again. It will just be easier for my heart.
It is time for a new beginning. Finally.